flower and two drawings

More re-discovered introspection from the past. An old blog entry of mine, written May 2005...

I became ill quite suddenly. Stumbling to the sofa, I lay in a half-sleep with a blanket over my head. After awhile, I rose to make dinner for my daughter. The pain hit in waves. Bent over, I made it as far as getting a bowl of crackers and some yogurt for my child, but just could not drive myself to go further. Down the hallway, collapsing into bed, retching from the pain.

"Mama, can we go to the park?"

In a strained whisper through the pain, "I'm sorry honey, Mom's not feeling well today."

A disappointed toddler's cries and tears. Running to her room, slamming the door.

I lie in my bed, desperate for time to pass till her Dad would be home. I'm aware of my incapacity to care for her at the moment, and my helplessness to get up to use the phone to call for help. I fall into a half-consciousness, my closeness to throwing up the only thing keeping me from falling into sleep.

I'm startled by her standing in front of me again. How much time had passed? "Mama, I drew you two pictures and brought you a flower! Does that make you feel better?" She carefully arranges them on the bed around me. My eyes open just enough to see her worried face smiling down at me with the pure love and concern of a three-year-old.

What an angel to touch my heart so. I can only offer her whispers of thanks and a hug from my bed as my soul is nurtured through the relentless pain.

Her gift is pure - she is a healer, a beautiful loving being. My daughter.